Making changes

Okay, a lot has happened since I last posted.
I am utterly wowed by how much I have grown and changed in the last year. So, the subject of this blog is going to be changes. *starts humming David Bowie*

Where to start...
There have been noticeable but not unexpected changes, such as increase in alcohol consumption (the me who wrote my last post would be amazed), to more experimental changes, like dying my hair red - though that has sadly faded now.
The drinking started off as gradual, but has recently increased exponentially. I'm still not the type who likes to get smashed every weekend, but when I do go I usually go hard (my severe hangovers being proof to that). It's a combination of encouragement from friends and the knowledge that I do have a good time well drunk. I feel less awkward and more free to just dance without feeling ridiculous.
The hair, meanwhile, was done on a whim and turned out quite well. It was nice to have a bit of an experiment, branch out a little, and it got quite a few compliments. I'll probably do it again once summer rolls around.
It's more than just drinking and hair, though.
Just reading my last post - which was now over a year ago - I can see how much I've changed. It's not just that either: I feel different. I feel more me. More confident.
I've never been that much of a confident person. I've always been fairly quiet and not all that adept at conversation or public speaking. Certainly, I still loath speaking in front of people (at least when sober) and I sometimes struggle to get a word in edge ways, but I'm okay with that. I know now that I can still contribute to and enjoy a conversation, even if I only say a few sentences.
There's also my attitude about my hobbies and likes that have changed.
I tend to fangirl and obsess about a lot of things (see my Richard Armitage post), but I usually kept fairly quiet about these, except with certain people. Throughout the last year and a half, I've been a lot more open about these things: happily admitting them to my friends and actually discovering that some of them are shared. While I would previously have avoided talking about them in public, now I am fairly content to do so and adopt the not-give-a-damn-about-what-other-people-think approach. What's the point in loving something if you can't shout it from the rooftops?
It's hard to pinpoint when this change really started happening, but I remember the moment when I really noticed it:
I was out - on my own - at a festival-like party my university holds every summer. My friend who I was meeting hadn't arrived yet and I was trying to work out what to do to pass the time. I was wearing something that I wasn't sure was entirely fashionable, but I felt comfortable and confident in (semi-channelling the awesome character on the left).
I started thinking about how I might look to the other people wandering around: me on my own in slightly unusual clothing versus them, with friends and dressed fairly normally.
A year before this I would have gotten very nervous and self-conscious; immediately finding some quiet spot to stand and wait for my friend, unnoticed. However, I realised at that moment that I didn't really care that much. I don't mind being on my own for a bit - I'm fine being alone with my thoughts - I liked what I was wearing and felt it looked good, so why should I worry about what somebody else says? Why should their opinions dictate what I should do?
There wasn't exactly a fanfare or light bulb above the head moment, and the rest of the afternoon wasn't Earth-shatteringly amazing, but that moment has stuck with me. Now, whenever I end up in a situation that would once have had me cringing or standing about looking awkward, I just think "No. I'm not unhappy. I'm not ashamed. That's just me worrying about what other people think, which I shouldn't give a damn about anyway."
I'm not saying I'm a completely changed person - there are still times when I get awkward or feel at a loose end,  but they are becoming fewer. I am remembering what it feels like not to care and to love what I love, do what I do, without apology.
"I don't care. I love it." - Icona Pop
The song that this is taken from has become one of my favourites over the last few months. It's not exactly a mystery as to why.

W-O xxx

Drinking Culture

Okay, finally getting onto what this blog was supposed to be for.
The oh-so-deep topic I'm going to be pondering over today is alcohol.

So, like most young people today, I do drink. I don't drink a lot compared to most people I know, but I don't abstain from it. I have a couple of friends who are tee-total (though one of them medically can't drink), some who are similar to me and don't drink masses, and then I have friends who regularly get sloshed. The last group are the ones I probably spend the most time with right now. I'm perfectly happy with my own drinking habits and I don't mind those who drink more or less than me. However, in a social setting the pressure to drink can be massive.
I have not gotten smashed many times. In fact, the most drunk I've ever been was only a couple of weeks ago and in the grand scheme of things I wasn't that bad (stomach pyrotechnics and falling off my chair aside). The times I've been drunk I have enjoyed it and definitely see the appeal for a lot of people. But, even though it is fun to a certain extent, I'm still not rushing to do it again: it's just not how I'd choose to spend every Friday night. However, even knowing that I'm making the right decision for me, I still end up feeling pressured to drink more for fear of letting my friends down.
Take the other week for example: we were pre-drinking before going out clubbing to celebrate a friend's birthday. I'd bought myself one drink (admittedly a double) at the meal beforehand and after that had been sharing other peoples drinks and been made a few more. At the time I didn't quite take in how much I'd drunk, but I did notice that I was getting more unsteady than usual - even before the final couple of drinks kicked in.
I was contemplating calling it a night at that point, but my friends were encouraging me to go out with them and get even more drunk and - I have to admit - it was incredibly tempting. However, at that point, the rational part of my mind kicked in and I declined the offer. So - after finishing off my drink and a friend's - I spent the next hour or so stumbling around, more drunk than I'd ever been, and berating myself for not being brave enough to venture out of the building. Looking back though, I know it was the right decision for me to make and I don't regret it (much).
I was only being sensible, making the right decision for myself and not stepping too far outside my comfort zone, and yet I still felt guilt for not going with everyone else. I keep finding that there's so much emphasis nowadays on intentionally getting hammered; that you've not really had a good night unless you've passed out or thrown up several times. But what if you prefer to have fun without the influence of alcohol? If you like to stay in control of yourself and would rather not risk the hangover in the morning.

Should you feel bad for not living up to others expectations? Or should you do what you feel is the best idea for yourself?

The Armitage Army

Okay, this is not something I'd originally planned to post about, but with the current mania around the world I couldn't resist.
This post is mainly to send a message to all the thousands of people around the world who are being recruited to the Armitage Army. Welcome to you all :D
I was recruited back in '06 and have loved every second of it. And it's pretty obvious why:

I mean, just look at him. And he's a fantastic actor to boot.
Seriously though, I love him for his acting talents as much as his face. There are plenty of gorgeous actors out there, and don't get me wrong some of them are great too, but few of them have stuck with me the way he has.
And he's always so charming and modest in interviews, too. *sigh* What's not to love?

And on a related note: I'm really confused about some of the reactions The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey has been getting. I mean, okay, maybe it's not quite the epic high-stakes adventure that Lord of the Rings was, but The Hobbit as book was very different to the Rings, so I don't see the point of comparing the two. Peter Jackson himself has said that there are going to be definite differences between the two, so why are people acting as if it's a bad and unexpected thing? There are complaints about the length, but - for crying out loud - it's nowhere near the length of Return of the King and many other films these days. I've quite happily sat through three viewings so far (all within 5 days of release)(*EDIT* actually saw it five times in the end) and had absolutely no problem with staying for the duration. Perhaps some parts were dragged out a little more than necessary, but I've seen it done much worse.
It seems to happen with a lot of highly anticipated films: people are just looking for reasons to criticise.
Personally, I thought it was wonderfully acted and had the perfect mixture of humour, action and emotion and I look forward to the next instalment.

Sorry to get all grumpy, but film critics often irritate me these days.
I'll end this post on a good note.

For your viewing pleasure:

Why?

Hey :) Welcome to my blog. Whether you were looking for me or just stumbled across this by accident (probably more likely), thank you for coming.

Okay, it's the first post, so I'm probably meant to do some sort of introduction as to what the point of this blog is. I might just do that.
Well, this is a general thoughts blog. It's not a news blog or anything like that. Just somewhere I can post my musings about life and culture and the world. One day I may be posting about romance and relationships, the next about the media or celebrities. Nothing is going to be fixed here. I may yo-yo between happy and depressing subjects (don't say you weren't warned!).
I'm starting this because I have a lot of thoughts floating around my head looking for a way out and this is the only way I can think of doing that with a certain amount of anonymity (don't worry, I'm going to post anything particularly controversial, I'm just a bit of a shy person). This blog isn't quite a place for me to vent but it's similar.

Well, that's the basics about the blog, so now about me.
I'm not going to say heaps about myself for now as it's early days, and it's fun to keep some secrets after all. But I'll say a few things.
First: I want to be an author. I love writing and reading. It's the only thing I can think of that I'm certain I'll never get tired of doing. There are plenty of other things that I like and am good at, but I don't think I'd be able to spend my whole life doing them.
Honestly, when I'm writing is the only time I truly feel like myself.
I have another blog about my life as a writer, but sadly it seems to have ground to a halt at the moment - I'll have to do something about that soon. And then I have my book review and poetry blog, which I'm also getting a bit behind on (gah! I'm awful!).

Okay, fact number two: The direction my life seems to be taking at the moment has nothing to do with writing.
Hmm, a bit of a conundrum really. Well, I said I liked secrets and my dream of writing is one of them. It's rather a big secret, isn't it? I think I may have hinted at it to a few people - often saying it was something I toyed with when I was younger - and I don't exactly hide the fact that I enjoy it, but I've never been very open with the fact that I want to take it beyond a hobby.
I'm actually completely bl**dy terrified about what'll happen if I start telling people.
I am enjoying the life I'm living at the moment - don't get me wrong - but I don't feel it's entirely 'me'. I know I should probably just take a leap of faith and just be honest about it, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Plus, writing isn't likely to make me much of a living.

And finally: I am an INFJ personality type. Look that up and it'll tell you a certain amount about me. Not everything is exactly the same but it fits me pretty well.

And I think that's enough for a first post.
Hope some of you stick around to read.
W-O xxx